I'm writing at 12:05 AM. Now, why am I not sleeping? Or studying?
Because music theory SMELLS that's why.
Grumble grumble complain complain mumble mumble.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Sunday, September 4, 2011
One year already?
A year ago today - I was seeing Ecuador for the first time.
I can't wait to see it again...
I can't wait to see it again...
Friday, September 2, 2011
Not a fan of poetry
But a fan of poets.
i carry your heart
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
E.E. CUMMINGS
i carry your heart
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
E.E. CUMMINGS
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Spilling my guts
Having scoliosis is more than just having a curvy spine. I feel it. I feel it every moment of every day of my life. I feel the twist. I feel the curve. I feel my hip awkwardly protruding to the right. I feel the discomfort when I stand "normally." I can't remember a time when I couldn't feel it... only I suppose when I was a kid but who pays attention to a structurally normal spine as child? Or who pays attention to a structurally normal spine at all??
My brother likes to call me a hypochondriac. He's got a point. Any little mark on my body seem likes an infected rash that needs immediate medical attention. Sometimes I suspect this little birth mark on my back grows and I think I may have skin cancer from all those years swimming in AZ. Whenever I get bitten by a mosquito or a spider, my skin inflates like a balloon so I'm pretty sure I have an extra allergic reaction to bug bites that may require a steroid shot in the bum. It's laughable right? Seems a bit crazy, I know. But I finally understand why I'm so paranoid.
I know things could be a whole lot worse. I know I'm lucky to have a functioning body and beyond that a wonderful life. But it is hard having scoliosis and I wish so badly I didn't have it. The thought of going through another medical journey like I did with my back frightens me to death. I understood from the age of 11 that I am not indestructible. I understood more or less that my future was that of spinal uncertainty, a long horrid drawn out process of not knowing. And being in this uncertainty is awful. I'm not too keen on being a time bomb you know. I think what I'm trying to say is that my back and its possibility to get worse as the years go on has caused me to think about the rest of my body and its possibility to get worse. Anyway, I suppose because I don't want anything else to go wrong, I freak out the moment something does and my uncertain nerves take the reigns diagnosing simple cuts as infected gashes or moles as malignant skin cancer.
I don't want a pity party, I don't like complaining and I don't want to come off weak. I'm healthy and just fine. I promised I would write more so how did you like that spoon full of my guts?
My brother likes to call me a hypochondriac. He's got a point. Any little mark on my body seem likes an infected rash that needs immediate medical attention. Sometimes I suspect this little birth mark on my back grows and I think I may have skin cancer from all those years swimming in AZ. Whenever I get bitten by a mosquito or a spider, my skin inflates like a balloon so I'm pretty sure I have an extra allergic reaction to bug bites that may require a steroid shot in the bum. It's laughable right? Seems a bit crazy, I know. But I finally understand why I'm so paranoid.
I know things could be a whole lot worse. I know I'm lucky to have a functioning body and beyond that a wonderful life. But it is hard having scoliosis and I wish so badly I didn't have it. The thought of going through another medical journey like I did with my back frightens me to death. I understood from the age of 11 that I am not indestructible. I understood more or less that my future was that of spinal uncertainty, a long horrid drawn out process of not knowing. And being in this uncertainty is awful. I'm not too keen on being a time bomb you know. I think what I'm trying to say is that my back and its possibility to get worse as the years go on has caused me to think about the rest of my body and its possibility to get worse. Anyway, I suppose because I don't want anything else to go wrong, I freak out the moment something does and my uncertain nerves take the reigns diagnosing simple cuts as infected gashes or moles as malignant skin cancer.
I don't want a pity party, I don't like complaining and I don't want to come off weak. I'm healthy and just fine. I promised I would write more so how did you like that spoon full of my guts?
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Boohoo I want to cry
Sigh. I'm supposed to be detached from money... so doesn't that mean I can spend 575 dollars on these beauties???? Boohoo I'll try to justify it someday. Nordstorm.
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